Sunday, June 17, 2012

A Father's Day Letter

Dad, I just want you to know that even though I am still so pissed at how you didn't take care of yourself, resulting in you not being there to see me graduate, marry, and have your granddaughter, I love you and miss you so much every day.  You would have loved HRH and probably spoiled her beyond measure, and you and The Husband would probably have had a lot of fun ganging up on me to make fun of me for for something... anything (like the compression sleeves I am still currently wearing after having slept in them last night).

I hope that I can be as monumental a parent as you were.  You taught me to give of oneself not for any glorification but because it's the right thing to do.  You taught me that sometimes it's OK to have some "slow" food and that the house doesn't have to be spotless to have a great time as a family (hence the state of our front room right now).  You taught me that some days need to be reserved for lounging and lazing.  You taught me to love to experiment in the kitchen and to enjoy every second of life.  You taught me that learning is vital and for everyone, no matter what some stupid high school counselor might have told YOU.
My only wish is that you had taken better care of yourself so that you didn't miss all those milestones in my life.  A piece of iceberg lettuce and slice of tomato on a burger does NOT count as a salad, and not all clear liquids adequately hydrate the body (I'm talking to you, vodka on the rocks).  Cigarettes... do I eve need to start?  And of course, there is more to physical activity than watching golf on TV.
I know you felt that since your dad died too soon that you, too, were going to have too short a life.  You kind of wrote your own book there, didn't you?
As much as I want to follow in your footsteps as a parent and kind, loving individual, I have to write my own ending.  I want to be there for HRH's milestones.  I'm kind of selfish like that.
So I am eating better, I am watching my own body move, and I am doing my best to give of myself to those who need someone to be compassionate.
I miss you, Dad.  And I hope that all of the lessons you taught me help make me a role model for my own daughter.
Happy Father's Day, Dad.  I love you.


  1. Just breaks my heart to think that you lost your Dad so young. I don't even want to think about not having my Dad around. I admire your active mission to be healthy and be there for HRH.

    1. I feel the same about your sister. She is another reason I will not stop until we find a cure.

  2. Yes. Our fathers died from different causes but both too soon. I'm sorry anyone has to go through this but your honesty is amazing! I'm pissed as hell at my dad but didn't have the guts to say it. You do. We can love them and be angry at them. There! Therapy done :)

    1. I never actually realized I was mad until a very close family friend said that she was still mad at him. It hit me that I was, and am, too. I think I might be MORE angry because perhaps some simply health adaptations may have prolonged and improved his life. The best thing we can do is to remember them fondly and do what we can to make fewer mistakes. Yes - I loved this therapy session! :)